Tim's Crap of the Day

You're guaranteed that soon after something bad has happened jokes will start to crop up. I remember the jokes going around the school playground after the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster in 1986, something about an astronaut's eyes being blue...

Anyway, sometimes the joke goes to0 far and ends up biting you in the clacker-valve. An example of this is the recent Fringe Festival play based on the Beaconsfield Mine Collapse. It was originally titled "Beaconsfield: A Musical In A Flat Minor" but after the pun police arrived on the scene the playwright was forced to drop the "A Flat Minor" from the title. The pun police stated that it was due to the title being in bad taste however it was a good pun (is there such a thing?).

Well, I got this "news item" from Tim today regarding the current global financial climate...

Following the problems with Lehmann Bros and the sub-prime lending market in the USA, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop, and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal. And, I understand that assets at Hara-Kiri Bank have been slashed repeatedly.

*sigh*

Tim's Crap of the Day

Haven't had much crapworthy stuff from Tim recently but today I got this email from him with the subject "After flipping his hydrofoil..." with the remaining text/punchline reading "...Jesus quickly leaves the scene before his Father finds out!".

Run Jesus, RUN!

Direct all religious criticism or comments from people lacking a sense of humour to tomc@scientology.org.

Tim's Crap of the Day

I got this hilarious video today with the following text:

It's a worry if these buffoons are debating agricultural issues in parliament.

As they say, politics is show business for ugly people.

The "buffoon" in question is Mr Jason Wood MP, Member for La Trobe.

Tim's Crap of the Day

I got an email this morning from Tim with the following instructions:

GO TO THE FOLLOWING SITE, it is Portuguese but it doesn't matter:

http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br

1 - TYPE YOUR FIRST NAME ON THE 1st LINE
2 - TYPE YOUR LAST NAME ON THE 2nd LINE
(Skip your e-mail address.)
3 - Click on 'Vizualizar' and watch what happens ... & don't ask me how they do that!

Looks like a clever overlay on a Flash video... well done though. :)

PS: Don't worry, it's not going to download a virus or anything.

Tim's Crap of the Day

Today we have a pretty cool video from Tim of a guy base jumping INTO A GIANT CAVE! Check it out and try to not close your eyes in fear. Not for the feint hearted.

Tim's Crap of the Day

Got an email from Tim today titled (emphasis his, not mine) "GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING". Opening said email revealed some scary giant red text...
DO NOT SWALLOW CHEWING-GUM !!
Note the underline under DO NOT.

By this point I was ready to hit snopes.com or just tell Tim he was being silly... then the image showed up...



* tee hee *

Tim's Crap of the Day

It's been a bit of a dry spell for Tim, what with the End of Financial Year and all but he's back in full force. Today's "treat" is a list of things made up by adults that kids supposedly said. Personally, I'd just look at this photo then move along.

The Way Children See Things!
Author Unknown (but I'd like to have a word with you)

NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt! *bwaaaa haaa haa haaaaa!*

HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, 'We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago. *HAW HAW HAW!*

OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.' *Eeeeeeeeeheeehee... ooh, I just wet myself*

KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'It's the minister, Mommy,' the child said to her mother. Then she added, 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.' *screw this, I can't be bothered any more*

All right, you get the point... now get back to work slacker!

Tim's Crap of the Day

Last night Tim sent me this series of photos in an email titled "hydraulics madness". It took me a while to figure out what is going on here though. The digger in the picture is actually climbing up the purpose-built tower then showing off by doing a "hand stand" at the end. Whacky, but fun.


TA DA!

Tim's Crap of the Day

Yet another email from Tim with GIANT BOLD TEXT declaring that you're stupid for paying for oil followed by a bunch of decadent photos presumably from Dubai.

Regardless of where or what this is it makes for an interesting look at beach side living. Reminds me a little of some of the areas around The Gold Coast.

Tim's Crap of the Day

Tim sent me a lot of crap today but these images from a Powerpoint document were the standout performer.

The first slide (left) shows a buxom blond beauty by the pool with this mangled English query as its title, "Hello, do you know, WHO IS MY FATHER ???".

After a few more mildly NSFW shots you get the amazing reveal (below) that Gemma Atkinson is actually Rowan "Mr Bean" Atkinson's daughter.

Of course this is total bollocks and a rumour started by some drunken spaz with an IQ high enough to search Google Images and a penchant for massive manipulated mammeries (OK, no more alliteration).

If you're still not convinced, you should start mourning the death of Rowan Atkinson as she was quoted back in Jan of 2007 that she took up acting and being a superstar in general in memory of her deceased father who suffered a heart attack in 2002. RIP Rowan.

Tim's Crap of the Day

Get in now for your exclusive Camo Couch, this is one couch gag you won't see on The Simpsons!

I think the boots kind of give him away though...

Tim's Crap of the Day

Tim tells me this is on display in Brisbane. I wonder where the Bangkok one is.

Tim's Crap of the Day

Today we have a video from Tim of a guy bouncing ping pong balls into cups of "beer" just like in Beerfest... well, almost.

Tim's Crap of the Day

Today Tim sent me this video of a race between text messaging and morse code...